Elliot

“I remember, I cried all day when I turned 50.” 

Jane Elliot reminisced about early missed milestones in the common room of Harbor House, an affordable housing complex for elderly in Newport, Rhode Island, and looked back on a life full of promise. The compound where “Elliot” lives, as she now likes to be called, is a collection of buildings that include a renovated convent overlooking Narragansett Bay. Large common areas, a library, kitchen and a gothic-style chapel are paired with sometimes tiny living quarters that helps encourage residents to mingle.   

In the early 1990s, the founder of Harbor House wanted to create affordable living for the elderly that would bring older residents together in a community setting. Today, Church Community Housing manages its 38 apartments, 23 of which are reserved for residents whose income is at or below 60% of the Area Median Income. That means elderly with an income of $35,000 or less would be eligible to rent one of these 500 sq. ft. apartments for just $820. There are 8 apartments that are subsidized by Section 8 vouchers, and another 6 units that are market rate. Currently, the waiting list for one of these apartments is 200-people long, which could take more than 10 years to work through to get to someone adding their name today. 

Elliot, a graceful grandmotherly figure, was lucky enough to get an apartment nine years ago.  It is a bright spot in an otherwise tumultuous life marked by disappointment, family dissolution and betrayal. One controversial decision made as a teenager changed the trajectory of her life story and triggered a cascade failure that left her homeless and searching for answers.  

Now she is nearly 80 years old, and has been alone for much of her life. The passage of time has not done enough to erase the trauma she felt during those earlier years and much of it has been buried deep in her memory. “I try very hard not to look back. If you look back, it stops you from moving forward. We must always keep our eyes on the road,” she says, clearly the phrase has been a life’s mantra with much meaning. 

Her blue eyes become glassy as she looks back on her youth devoted to music. She became a child prodigy in piano and practicing was a priority that seemingly took up every waking minute. An audition for the Julliard School of Music in New York turned into a scholarship that would have propelled Elliot into the world as a concert pianist, with travel to glitzy performance venues and an exciting life of fame, but also a life on the road. 

As Elliot matured into her teenaged years, she dreamt of a future with a large family full of happy children. She envisioned a simpler, more traditional life where she would be married and raise a family. In Elliot’s mind, living on the road would make that simple vision nearly impossible to manage.  

Having children that she could love and raise the way she needed to was made that much more important because of the way Elliot was being raised. Her passion for children was born out of the desire to “right the wrongs” she had been dealt. It would be a way to compensate for a difficult and strict upbringing that would be classified as abusive in today’s culture. Even in the 1940s, her daily spankings would have raised eyebrows. Elliot would be sure to do things differently with her children.  

Her life as a child was very restrictive and lonely. Having her own children would change that. When she told her parents that she didn’t want to go to Julliard to become a concert pianist and instead wanted to do something else, anything else, as long as she could have a family, Elliot’s mother snapped – She had had enough.  

Her mother was driven to help Elliot achieve success. Years of private Catholic school, piano lessons, practicing, and a very strict upbringing had left very little room for anything else.  Elliot’s father was a successful and high-ranking employee with the national Atomic Energy Commission and traveled extensively.  When her parents were first married, and well before Elliot was born, they gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. At age 6, their son caught tuberculosis and died. It was a loss that neither parent could ever manage.  

Many years after that devastation, a friend of the parents asked if they would bring a child home for Christmas from an orphanage deep in the mountains of Tennessee.  Their friend was a social worker who had designed a program that would give the children a nice holiday experience and provide some respite for the staff. Elliot was just two when she went home with her parents that Christmas and never again returned to the orphanage. Her parents adopted her right away. 

They didn’t talk about the adoption, and never intended to tell Elliot, or the sister they adopted several years later. Adoption was kept quiet in those days. Elliot’s birth mother was very young and it was intended to be a closed adoption with no contact or information shared.  

However one night, Elliot was cleaning up after a dinner party and accidentally broke some fine china. Elliot’s mother flew into a rage and told her that she was the biggest mistake she had ever made, and she wasn’t even hers. “That’s how I found out that I was adopted,” Elliot said. “I was 10 years old when that happened.”  

Many years later, as her longing for family grew, Elliot announced her decision not to go to Julliard and pursue a life as a concert pianist.  Elliot’s mother delivered an ultimatum. “If you don’t go, we are disowning you.” And they did. They gave Elliot a one-way ticket to Hawaii and sent her on her way. She knew no one and had very little resources. 

Elliot struggled through the years that followed. She sought refuge at a Catholic Church and somehow knit together a college education, but amassed a vast database of courses with no clear direction.  As the years ticked by, she grew further away from the family she hoped to have.  

As she grew older, her parents grew infirm and the responsibility for their welfare fell on her sister. Elliot’s mother passed away, and her father fell and was left with a head injury. The remaining family funds were exhausted. Elliot was running out of time, and now there was no hope of an inheritance.  

Hawaii was very expensive, and Elliot was feeling trapped on the island.  In an effort to find herself in a new home and possibly make a fresh start, she flew to the mainland and took a bus across the country to Newport. “It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen,” said Elliot, “but it was a bad time for the state economically.” The move proved to be a disaster.  

After all of the money was gone, and Elliot felt she had nowhere to turn, she found herself at the water’s edge. She stood paralyzed, as her desperation and disappointment fought with her Catholic upbringing, when she heard someone behind her. She turned to see a man dressed in a bright-white Chef’s uniform. He said he knew people who could help and gave her his card with the number for Church Community Housing scribbled on the back. She took it as a sign. 

After many years in Church Community Housing’s homeless shelter, Elliot was finally moved into Church’s Harbor House and into a cozy apartment paid for with a section 8 voucher. The buildings, decorated with window boxes and hanging flower baskets, overlook the water’s edge. The common rooms provide an opportunity for a different kind of family, and a shared kitchen provides an opportunity to share a meal.  

She has found safety and some measure of contentment here. Elliot, sitting in a scooter paid for by Medicaid, tries to hold her hot coffee with hands now hobbled by arthritis. Her pretty blue dress and strand of faux pearls provide a nod to her rearing and a small shield from the lifelong list of disappointments she’s endured.